If I Were Captain of the Pirates

We’d spot an island where we could hide
Find some caves in the Caribbean where we could meet inside
We’d gather up our forces, draw maps in the sand
And when we were good and ready we’d set sail for the mainland
Given my druthers that’s what we would do
If I were captain of the pirates and you were my gallant crew

We’d disguise ourselves as fishermen, which would more or less be so
But this time we’d be setting out to catch a CEO
We’d set our course for Texas and this lovely pirate horde
Would storm the ivory tower and the meeting of the board
We’d take everybody hostage, that’s what we would do
If I were captain of the pirates and you were my gallant crew

If the suits complained we’d ignore their every plea
We’d set sail for their oil rig out on the stormy sea
We’d give them pen and paper, let them write down their last will
While they smelled the putrid air above their toxic oil spill
Then we’d present our demands, that’s what we would do
If I were captain of the pirates and you were my gallant crew

We’d say you can shut down your oil rigs, your drilling days are done
Ten million bucks per fisherman, each and every one
No need to empty out your savings, we’ll just take the bloody bank
And with each day you delay, we’d say, the next one walks the plank
It’s all eminently reasonable, I hope you think so too…?
If I were captain of the pirates and you were my gallant crew

“If I Were Captain of the Pirates” originally appears on my 2010 Soundclick album, Ten New Songs.  (Not to be confused with the album of the same name from a year later that appears on Bandcamp, paired with Big Red Sessions.)

In a world largely run by corporate pirates, the idea of being a more traditional sort of pirate and doing some justice to the corporate pirates is a recurrent fantasy for me (and many others, I’m sure).

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